I have been struggling for almost two years to try to get my husband to divorce me. After months and months of arguments, fights, then attempts to make things better and try to fix my marriage for the sake of my child and for the sake of trying not to break my family up, I had to give up and ask for a divorce because my husband was not willing to change.
We had MAJOR issues for the past two years and then we reached a dead end. I thought that by asking for a divorce -because we could no longer live together after trying to solve our issues- things would go smoothly. I thought he would simply come to my house with the wedding registrar to finish things up in a civilized manner.
After asking for the divorce, he agreed, so I said to myself, “Thank god, things will go as planned. We will get divorced and maintain a good relationship for the sake of our child.” To my surprise, this is when things escalated and went completely out of control. He started avoiding me, not answering my calls, not responding to any of my family members when they tried contacting him, and above ALL of this, he stopped sending money to our child.
I was stuck and I didn’t know how to think and what to do, I kept on sending him messages, asking him to try to end things in a civilized way but to no avail. I spoke to my lawyer who told me that I had two options: either to file a divorce case which could take years or to simply file for an abdicative divorce (Khul’).
I decided I could not waste any more years from my life, so I went with the Khul’. I was very hesitant to do so, but I really had no other option. It was either this or wait for a year or more to gain my freedom.
I have the right to live my life freely without having to wait for him to proceed with the divorce.
My question is: why do some men make women resort to decisions like this? Why can’t they just realize that a woman has the right to ask for a divorce and get it when she feels like she can no longer live with him? Why can’t divorce be civilized where we both decide that it’s okay that we couldn’t continue our marriage but we have a child in between us that we need to maintain a good relationship with each other for?
If we simply get divorced without any issues or fights, won’t that be better for our kids? When I file for khul’ that means that you and I simply can’t deal with each other again. We simply had to go to COURT and I had to tell the judge that I do not want to live with you anymore because you thought you had the upper hand by not divorcing me properly like a mature adult.
I really wished that we could have stayed on good terms after the divorce because I believe this reflects on the kids. If they see that their mother and father no longer live together, but are on good terms, it is better than seeing their mother dread the moment she has to see the father or having to deal with him.
I just wish that the men who put women in these kinds of situations would think things through and understand that putting the mother of your child in a situation where she has to file for khul’ does not make you any stronger, on the contrary, it makes her stronger and makes you weak. You are only belittling yourself in front of her and your kids.
Getting divorced in a well-mannered way is beneficial for you and your kids. You can stay friends after the divorce for your kids. If only some men put their ego aside and think during these kinds of situations, so many marriages wouldn’t have to have such ugly endings.